The irony of guiding these tiny creatures into the world is that so little memory seems to be set down in the first months of their lives, and yet for us it is the time of most intensity, discovering, trying, failing and feeling.
In the first months of your coming into the world here is the feeling as best I can describe it. This is idealism, because I know many hours were among the hardest. But this is all that comes through, now.
The feeling of the long warmth Australian spring nights, the weight of tiny you in my arms, and the silence that came down upon you when the music began and we would sway in rhythm around the room, like a metronome against the beat.
And the feeling wasn’t relief that you had become quiet, or the egoism of your dependence upon me but knowing your feeling of safety with me. And watching you fall to sleep, back into the dark harbour that we had dragged you from and kept you from.
Here is the soundtrack to your first months, which we would curate each night to our sense of you. Sometimes you’d be down by the end of PJ Harvey, sometimes we’d exhaust the playlist twice over. I wonder how many you remember now, whether these songs will be the deep structures of your neurology, shaping things long after the beat and the pulse.
Beat and the Pulse, Austra
On Battleship Hill, PJ Harvey
The Glorious Land, PJ Harvey
The Words that Maketh Murder, PJ Harvey
Kaltes Klares Wasser, Marlaria!
The Past is a Grotesque Animal, Of Montreal
Lose it, Austra
Shoot the Water, Austra
Who’s Gonna Save My Soul, Gnarls Barkley
In the New Year, The Walkman
Daniel, Bat for Lashes
Me and the Devil, Gil Scott-Heron
Christobel, Joan as Police Woman
A Real Hero, College