At the end of the last episode the world was left in a bit of a pickle. Everyone was all shits up in their nutter and we desperately needed some space cadets out in the stars to track the aliens. Meanwhile, the aliens took an inexplicable interest in a building site in Cairo. Why? Well, like God, they work in mysterious ways. For the sake of LARPING this to the maximum, I’m going to imagine that the building site was related in some way to the Pyramids (Yes, yes, not in Cairo) and let’s say some kind of ancient astronauts. It would be four days before the new satellite come online over China. And a lot can happen in four days when multiple species of galactic warfucks are trying seemingly half-heartedly to take over the planet. Or are they?

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The dropship set the team, mostly rookies, down on the roof of the building. Where the immediately spotted a group of Sectoids hanging out near some scaffolding. In the first turn the team found cover and opened fire. America and Japan united managed to achieve very little, both missing some insanely clear shots. Fortunately the Greek and Spanish team members did a better job, and the four alien scoundrels were quickly put to a well deserved death.

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The mission was off to a swell start. Four bad guys down and no damage to show for it. It seemed this was going to be a walk in the park. An opportunity to hit a few easy targets then head home and play some goddam pool. The map was divided by a raised platform area that had good coverage over the entire rooftop, so I directed the team to leap frog their way up to the top with the expectation that I could take out a couple of nasty people on the way, or at least take the high ground and have my sniper dominate the battlefield.

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The plan was going well until the team reached the highground. Well, it seemed at that stage that they’d got the jump on the rest of the bad guys on the map. Except, these bad guys had jet packs. And the first thing they did was to jetpack themselves onto my elevated position. This nullified any advantage for the sniper, and in fact made him significant less useful. It also meant the team were almost all outflanked, leaving them open to enemy fire. Which is of course exactly what happened. Having advanced too confidently, my team were over-exposed. In the enemy turn two were killed and one went down unconscious. This, however, as tragic as it might seem, was a moment where courage came through.

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The aliens swarm the soldiers on the roof top, dropping two immediately. The hero is Nakamura, the medic, who seeing a fellow soldier down but not killed, runs in front of the enemy not to take a risky shot, but to give his fallen comrade first aid, saving his life. In return, Nakamura copped a face full of super-heated plasma, killing him instantly. He gave his life so another could live… a little while longer. This now meant that three of four squad members were either dead or knocked out for the rest of the battle. This left the other hero of the story, Boutros, the Greek warrior, who on her own, driven to the brink with hatred has her friends bled, lay wreck to the remaining enemy in a series of devastating guerrilla attacks on the enemy position.  She fought fiercely, but more importantly, smartly. Taking a shot, then move to a flanking position in the next round. She managed to isolate individuals and take them down one by one. She took out 7 of the 10 enemy present. The cost – two of her own dead and gravely wounded was high. But dammit if she didn’t make those bastards pay.


The pay off for such a satisfying and heroic ending is the feeling of immense achievement one receives from blowing the enemy cleanly and inexactly through a wooden wall. So much pain was inflicted on this green blooded intergalatic murderbeast that the laws of physics had to break down to accommodate it.


Less satisfying: Returning home after extracting such a painful victory, to find that some idiot has gone and crashed their UFO. In this game, aliens can’t drive UFOs for shit. They literally crash at least once a fortnight. Are they drunk? Are they under-qualified? Where is Occupational Health and Safety on this issue? Surely an advanced alien civilisation would have some kind of workplace safety regulations that would seek to prevent this kind of nonsense. Maybe the aliens just found a whole bunch of abandoned UFOs and don’t really know what the hell they’re doing at all. At least this would explain a) all the crashing and b) the fetish for abducting construction workers.


This means the next mission is going to be in Nigeria and will involve a crashed UFO of a class UNIDENTIFIED. Though, given they are UNIDENTIFIED FLYING OBJECTS it’d be counter-intuitive to have them identified by class but not by…

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