The troops returning from the battle of improbable cover were welcomed home as heroes. They’d managed to kill four skinny little short men. By which I mean Outer Space aliens. It seemed like everything was going to be okay. A few hours later, the alarm goes off. A bunch of abductions in San Francisco. Now, I’m not entirely sure why we as a species have decided that the proper response to an alien invasion is to get a small group of soldiers, give them a single aircraft and put them in an underground base in Africa. But that is what we did. And so far, well killed four of them damned grey bastards! So we’re flying from somewhere in Africa to San Francisco.


It looks like we’ll be landing next to an office block of some sort. I guess aliens need day jobs and shit. This will be good because I hate open non-urban environments when going on a bug hunt. No, that not kind of bug hunt. This kind of bug hunt. The screen above of the earth is where you watch global events unfold and pass time, literally, you go to this screen to move time forward until the next event is triggered – which could be an alien encounter, completion of a project, or recruitment of a soldier and so on. Usually when there is an alien encounter you’ll have to make a choice about which one you want to attend to. Each will have a reward of some sort and those you don’t complete there is a punishment – an increase in regional panic. Once a region descends into chaos, the governments of that region will start pulling their funding from your programme. This is seems an irrational response, but not entirely out of the realms of possibility. Especially if the realms of possibility have enlarged sufficiently to host the possibility of an invasion of Earth from an alien menagerie. Anyway, the loading screens are very fast and change to show the team you take out.


The landing goes smoothly. It is day time, which is a nice change. Once we finish the mission we can go down to Mission. Grab some chilli dogs. Watch the game. Something? This mission I’m taking some fresh meat along, since I’m thinking it will be important not to end up with only a couple of super experienced soldiers and a barracks full of green recruits. This might only be viable when the encounters are relatively low level. Adriana Ramierz has joined the team from the Spanish GEO. Not really. I just made that up. She is Spanish, but the game doesn’t give your characters and back story, but you can just invent it. You know, for LARPing cred.


I’ve got high hopes for Ramierz. She’s got the look of somebody who means business. Just look at her. She’s gonna kick your ass alien assholes! So, we’ve deployed outside the first office block and there seems to be no sign of activity. Ramirez takes cover besides a cab next to Nakamura while the Norwegian machinegunner Stig Berg takes up position behind the alien capsule. Some other dude is also hiding out there, but who the hell knows who he is. The wall of windows are a pain to approach, since they provide little protection while aliens inside are free to blast away. I’ll take this one a little slow.


Berg and Ramirez make a dash for the side of the building, dodging plasma fire coming from inside. The aliens, for all their technology, can only manage to destroy a wall. The plan is for Nakamura to now cover Stig and Ramirez from his position behind the cab, while they make their way around the left hand side of the building. This should mean that any aliens they encounter will be flanked, or will very easily become flanked.


With everyone in position Nakamura opens fire and takes out one of the bad guys. In the same turn, Berg opens up with his machinegun and hits his target, but only manages to wound the poor defenceless butt-probing lunatic space monster. Ramirez sizes up the wounded target and finished it off.

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After cleaning up after the Norwegian fuck-up, Ramirez scoots around the far side of the building where she takes out a second alien. Note that she is actually… Mexican, not Spanish. The flag on the back of her armour is the give away. See, her entire back story was full of bullshit plot holes. And that is why we do not into back story children. In the following turns The Other Guy, Helm and Nakamura make their way into the store front and take out the remaining aliens without any difficulty at all.


Another victory without a single casualty. The team again returns triumphant. The green blood of the enemy staining the Freedom Brown of their armour. Will the rest of the war against Alien Tyranny proceed like this? In Part 3, Shit Hits the Proverbial.

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